Naps & Trivia


Momo taking an afternoon nap at first glance you assume rigormortis has set in but he is just snoozing on a lazy afternoon.


GOAT TRIVIA!!

What is chevre?
Cheese made from goat's milk
Why do bucks rear and butt at each other?
To establish dominance for the formation of flock hierarch, ALPHA goat!!

What is the problem with a hermaphrodite goat?
Infertile

What is higher in energy: soybean oil, meal, or corn?
Corn
What is a castrated male goat called?
Wether

What are the two parts of a goat's body where it can be tattooed?
Ears and tail web
What is a French word that often used to mean goat meat?
Chevron

What is the Spanish word that is often used to mean goat meat?
Cabrito

The first dairy goat importation came to the US from what country?
Switzerland

When should you disbud a kid?
4-7 days or as soon as you can feel the horn buds on top of the head.


Katy and Arney

Katy & Arney, Just a little kiss like this.......

View to a goat po po


View from the kitchen of Momo trying to back into the door then Katy seeing him.

There is never a dull moment with 3 year olds or goats.



The Wolf and The Goat


A wolf saw a goat grazing at the edge of a high cliff. The wolf smacked his lips at the thought of a fine goat dinner."My dear friend," said the wolf in his sweetest voice, "aren't you afraid you will fall down from that cliff? Come down here and graze on this fine grass beside me on safe, level ground."


"No, thank you," said the goat."Well then," said the wolf, "aren't you cold up there in the wind? You would be warmer grazing down here beside me in this sheltered area."


"No, thank you," said the goat."But the grass tastes better down here!" said the exasperated wolf, "Why dine alone?"


"My dear wolf," the goat finally said, "are you quite sure that it is MY dinner you are worrying about and not your own?" by Aeosp

The Goat Who Saved the Priest [Ignorance]


Once upon a time, there was a very famous priest in a very old religion. He decided it was the right day to perform the ritual sacrificing of a goat. In his ignorance, he thought this was an offering demanded by his god.
He obtained an appropriate goat for the sacrifice. He ordered his servants to take the goat to the holy river and wash him and decorate him with flower garlands. Then they were to wash themselves, as part of the purification practice.

Down at the riverbank, the goat suddenly understood that today he would definitely be killed. He also became aware of his past births and deaths and rebirths. He realized that the results of his past unwholesome deeds were about to finally be completed. So he laughed an uproarious goat-laugh, like the clanging of cymbals.

In the midst of his laughter, he realized another truth that the priest, by sacrificing him, would suffer the same terrible results, due to his ignorance. So he began to cry as loudly as he had just been laughing!

The servants, who were bathing in the holy river, heard first the laughing and then the crying. They were amazed. So they asked the goat, "Why did you loudly laugh and then just as loudly cry? What is the reason for this?" He replied, "I will tell you the reason. But it must be in the presence of your master, the priest."

Since they were very curious, they immediately took the sacrificial goat to the priest. They explained all that had happened. The priest, too, became very curious. He respectfully asked the goat, "Sir, why did you laugh so loudly, and then just as loudly cry?"

The goat, remembering his past lives, said, "A long time ago, I too was a priest who, like you, was well educated in the sacred religious rites. I thought that to sacrifice a goat was a necessary offering to my god, which would benefit others, as well as myself in future rebirths. However, the true result of my actions was that in my next 499 lives I myself have been beheaded!

"While being prepared for the sacrifice, I realized that today I will definitely lose my head for the 500th time. Then I will finally be free of all the results of my unwholesome deeds of so long ago. The joy of this made me laugh uncontrollably.

"Then I suddenly realized that you, the priest, were about to repeat the same unwholesome action, and would be doomed to the same result of having your head chopped off in your next 500 lives! So, out of compassion and sympathy, my laughter turned to tears."

The priest was afraid this goat might be right, so he said, "Well, sir goat, I will not kill you." The goat replied, "Reverend priest, even if you do not kill me, I know that today I will lose my head and finally be released from the results of my past unwholesome action."

The priest said, "Don't be afraid, my fine goat. I will provide the very best protection and personally guarantee that no harm will come to you." But the goat said, "Oh priest, your protection is very weak, compared to the power of my unwholesome deed to cause its necessary results."

So the priest cancelled the sacrifice, and began to have doubts about killing innocent animals. He released the goat and, along with his servants, followed him in order to protect him from any danger.

The goat wandered into a rocky place. He saw some tender leaves on a branch and stretched out his neck to reach them. All of a sudden a thunderstorm appeared out of nowhere. A lightning bolt struck an over-hanging rock, and cut off a sharp slab, which fell and chopped off the goat's head! He died instantly, and the thunderstorm disappeared.

Hearing of this very strange event, hundreds of local people came to the place. No one could understand how it had happened.

There was also a fairy who lived in a nearby tree. He had seen all that had occurred. He appeared, gently fluttering in the air overhead. He began to teach the curious people, saying, "Look at what happened to this poor goat. This was the result of killing animals! All beings are born, and suffer through sickness, old age and death. But all wish to live, and not to die. Not seeing that all have this in common, some kill other living beings. This causes suffering also to those who kill, both now and in countless future rebirths.

"Being ignorant that all deeds must cause results to the doer, some continue to kill and heap up more suffering on themselves in the future. Each time they kill, a part of themselves must also die in this present life. And the suffering continues even by rebirth in hell worlds!"

Those who heard the fairy speak felt that they were very lucky indeed. They gave up their ignorant killing, and were far better off, both in this life, and in pleasant rebirths.
The moral is: Even religion can be a source of ignorance.

Get your goat a Valentine

What would you get if you crossed a goat with a Valentines Day card?
A card that says, "I love you baadly baa baa!"

Mount Everest


Question - Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?


Answer - Mount Everest, it just hadn't been discovered!


The goat and the fortune teller


In a dark and gloomy room, the fortune teller was startled by what she saw in her crystal ball. She looked up at her customer, sitting across the table.

"There's no easy way to say this, soI'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic'slined face, then at thesingle flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:"Will I get away with it?"

Capricorn


Do you know why the goat in the constellation Capricorn has the tail of a fish?

Pan, the god of the forest, resembled a goat, was very skilled at playing the reed pipes. Pan spent his days singing, dancing, and living a cheerful existence.
Once the gods were feasting on the banks of the river Nile in the land of Egypt. Pan, who loved everything lively, set out joyfully playing his reed pipes merrily and loudly when suddenly in burst the monster Teuphon bellowed "What is that terrible noise?"
Startled, Pan tried to quickly change himself into a fish to get away. In his haste, his body turned into a fish but his head remained that of a goat. The gods laughed uproariously, and added his form to the constellations in the sky to commemorate the event.

The new priest is nervous

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand.... and try saying things like......... "Yes, I see," and "Yes, go on," and "I understand."

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than Slapping your knee and saying, "No shit .... what happened next??"

Goat story by Dr. Clarke

Goats have been taught to perform a great many wonderful exploits. The celebrated traveler, Dr. Clarke, gives a very curious account of a goat which he came across in Arabia. This goat would perform some most surprising feats of dexterity.

"We met," he says, "an Arab with a goat, which he led about the country to exhibit, in order to gain a livelihood. He had taught this animal, while he accompanied its movements with a song, to mount upon little cylindrical blocks of wood, placed successively one above another, and resembling in shape the dice belonging to a backgammon table.

In this manner the goat stood, first on the top of two; afterward of three, four, five, and six, until it remained balanced upon the summit of them all, elevated several feet above the ground, and with its fore feet collected upon a single point, without throwing down the disjointed fabric on which it stood. The diameter of the upper cylinder, on which its four feet alternately remained until the Arab had ended his ditty, was only two inches, and the length of each was six inches.





The most curious part of the performance took place afterward; for the Arab, to convince us of the animal's attention to the turn of the air, sometimes interrupted the ordinary da capo, or repeat, and as often as he did so, the goat tottered, and appeared uneasy. When the man suddenly stopped, in the middle of his song, the animal fell to the ground."

Stop talkin about that black goat....


Aesop's The vine and the goat

A VINE was luxuriant in the time of vintage with leaves and grapes.

A Goat, passing by, nibbled its young tendrils and its leaves.

The Vine addressed him and said: "Why do you thus injure me without a cause, and crop my leaves?

Is there no young grass left?
But I shall not have to wait long for my just revenge; for if you now should crop my leaves, and cut me down to my root, I shall provide the wine to pour over you when you are led as a victim to the sacrifice."




Maintenance of goats

David trimming the hooves of the herd with his boss, Katy, standing by.

Arney is much more laid back about his 6 week trimming.

Some interesting facts about goats:

* Worldwide, goats provide people with more meat and milk than any other domestic animal.

* Goat meat is called Chevon or Cabrito and is a red meat that is lower in cholesterol and fat than beef, pork, lamb or chicken.

* Goat milk is more easily digested than cow’s milk.

* A goat’s tail turns up while a sheep’s tail turns down.

* Male goats are called “bucks” or “billies” and female goats are called “does” or nannies”.

* Goats are pregnant for five months and normally have two kids at a time.

* Goats can grow to be 8–12 years old.

* Goats are known as “browsers” (eating twigs, leaves and bark) but they also do well grazing grass.

* Goats weigh 5-10 pounds at birth and grow to 75-200 pounds when mature.

* 5-7 Goats can live on the amount of feed it takes to feed one cow.

* There are about one billion goats worldwide!

* The domestic goat is in the family Bovidae, genus Capra, and is of the species Hircus.

A man in a movie theater notices



A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a goat sitting next to him.

"Are you a goat?" asked the man, surprised.

"Yes."

"What are you doing at the movies?"

The goat replied, "Well, I liked the book."

The Farmer's Prize Goat

A man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air. He got out, and started walking in a meadow.

As he walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound.


So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound. The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound.


As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound.


He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole.


He listened, but there was no sound. He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up.


The man asked him, "How deep is this hole?"


The farmer said, "Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends.


Say, have you seen my prize goat?" The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, "No."


The farmer said, "Oh well. He can't get far. He was tied to a railroad beam."

A policeman in the big city


A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a miniature goat in the front seat.


"What are you doing with that goat?"

He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."


The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the goat again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses.


The policeman pulls him over. "I thought you were going to take that goat to the zoo!"


The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"

Lance likes goats .....

No Toys for Lance, He Likes Goats-R-Us



Seriously. Okay, well, I can’t confirm this is the company he used, but I hear that Goats-R-Us is the biggest goat rental company in California. I feel like I’m writing some spoof right now, this is nuts. Nuts, and well, maybe a great idea?


I missed the bit in their EMA coverage where they talked with Lance Bass and Reichen Lehmkuhl. “Instead of having the brush cleared away at our house with lawnmowers,” said Reichen, “there’s rental goats. They tie them in your yard and they eat all the brush on the hill to stop the forest fires. When the goats are full and the brush is gone, the goats are taken away.”



Curious about how much something like that would run you? Goats-R-Us recommends estimating about $700/acre.Wait, there’s more.



Lance apparently posted something about the wonders of goats on his MySpace, which I can’t see right now because I’m not his friend, can’t remember my password to ask to be his friend, and otherwise am feeling a little lazy at the moment. TMZ then picked it up and now it’s international gossip.


Lance Bass -- Goat Lover

Lance Bass has taken cheap labor to a new level by having a small herd of goats clear brush from his yard. But it wasn't cost that led him to fill his yard with goats for almost a week.

According to Lance's MySpace blog, "Great Grazing" is "an enviromentally safe way of clearing out brush" to prevent fires. Lance got a kick out of watching the goats graze on his land. Some people spend Thanksgiving with a turkey, Lance spent his with 14 goats! "Those suckers can eat!" wrote Lance.

Old Peter


Old Peter had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Peter.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

Peter responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite goat, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Peter said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine.
Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Peter's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite goat, Bessie".

Peter thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite goat, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.

I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad, moaning and groaning, I was, and didn't want to move.

However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, too. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. About then a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.
After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, "How are you feeling?"

I said,"I am fine!" Judge, what would you have said?

Arney is ready for school



A goat wags its tail

"Momo" Meyer

A goat wags its tail with its heart.

Goats in the Good Book



In the Bible Goats are mentioned many times the following is a collection of Bible verses I have found.



Proverbs 27:23-27
23. Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds; 24. for riches do not endure forever, and a crown is not secure for all generations. 25. When the hay is removed and new growth appears and the grass from the hills is gathered in, 26. the lambs will provide you with clothing, and the goats with the price of a field. 27. You will have plenty of goats' milk to feed you and your family and to nourish your servant girls.



Job 39
1. "Do you know when the mountain goats give birth? Do you watch when the doe bears her fawn? 2. Do you count the months till they bear? Do you know the time they give birth? 3. They crouch down and bring forth their young; their labor pains are ended. 4. Their young thrive and grow strong in the wilds; they leave and do not return.



Isaiah 34:14-17
14. Desert creatures will meet with hyenas, and wild goats will bleat to each other; there the night creatures will also repose and find for themselves places of rest. 15. The owl will nest there and lay eggs, she will hatch them, and care for her young under the shadow of her wings; there also the falcons will gather, each with its mate. 16. Look in the scroll of the LORD and read: None of these will be missing, not one will lack her mate. For it is his mouth that has given the order, and his Spirit will gather them together. 17. He allots their portions; his hand distributes them by measure. They will possess it forever and dwell there from generation to generation.



Ezra 6:17
17. For the dedication of this house of God they offered a hundred bulls, two hundred rams, four hundred male lambs and, as a sin offering for all Israel, twelve male goats, one for each of the tribes of Israel.



2Chronicales 29:23-24
23. The goats for the sin offering were brought before the king and the assembly, and they laid their hands on them. 24. The priests then slaughtered the goats and presented their blood on the altar for a sin offering to atone for all Israel, because the king had ordered the burnt offering and the sin offering for all Israel.



Genesis 27:9
Go now to the flock and bring me from there two choice kids of the goats, and I will make savory food from them for your father, such as he loves."....


Designs on T-Shirts and Gifts can be found at: http://www.cafepress.com/buy/goat/bible

On Your Marks, Get Set ... Goat!


On Your Marks, Get Set ... Goat!
February, Eldorado

The town of Eldorado (pronounced el-doh-RAY-doh), about 40 miles south of San Angelo, will hold this weekend the first of what may be the most stubborn race in history.
Modeled loosely after the legendary Alaskan Iditarod, the Elgoatarod will replace dogs with goats, snow with a courthouse lawn, and sleds with just about anything that can be pulled by goats over lawn.

The race, which is the brainchild of local entrepreneur Jim Runge (pronounced RUNG-ee), is the latest in what appear to be a series of far-out competitions that may make Eldorado the state model of shamelessness. In fact, time trials for the Elgoatarod were held in October during the Armchair Decathlon, a contest of not much at all.

For more interesting events in Texas, check out http://www.texastwisted.com/


In addition to the race, the weekend-long event will feature a goat-milking contest, a best-dressed-goat contest, a goat/owner-look-alike contest, goat kissing, stupid goat tricks and more. Further events will include goat-pill flipping, much like cow-patty tossing, but involving the flicking of pellet-like goat manure with the thumb.

Aged pastor joke


The young couple invited their aged pastor for Sunday dinner.

While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

"Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"

"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, Might aswell have the old goat for dinner today as any other day."

British Army Demotes Mascot Goat, Billy


British Army Demotes Mascot Goat, Billy
Sat Jun 24, 2006 6:39 PM EDT
David Stringer, AP Writer


Undated photo released by the Ministry of Defence of a British army regiment's ceremonial pet goat which was demoted in disgrace after it marched out of line before a host of international dignitaries during a parade to mark Queen's Elizabeth II's birthday, a military spokesman said Saturday June 24 2006. The military mascot, a 6-year-old male goat called Billy, pictured with handler Lance Corporal Dai Davies, was downgraded from the rank of lance corporal to fusilier — the same status as a private — after army chiefs ruled his poor display had ruined the ceremony on June 16 at a British army base in Episkopi, western Cyprus. The regiment, the 1st Battalion, The Royal Welsh, has traveled with a pet goat since soldiers adopted one of the animals during the Crimean War. Released by the Ministry of Defence of a British army regiment's ceremonial pet goat which was demoted in disgrace after it marched out of line before a host of international dignitaries during a parade to mark Queen's Elizabeth II's birthday, a military spokesman said Saturday June 24 2006. The military mascot, a 6-year-old male goat called Billy, pictured with handler Lance Corporal Dai Davies, was downgraded from the rank of lance corporal to fusilier — the same status as a private — after army chiefs ruled his poor display had ruined the ceremony on June 16 at a British army base in Episkopi, western Cyprus. The regiment, the 1st Battalion, The Royal Welsh, has traveled with a pet goat since soldiers adopted one of the animals during the Crimean War.
Goats Are Held to a Higher Standard

I’d like to talk for a minute to the goats out there.
You know who you are.
Yours is a long and storied history. For thousands of years goats have stood on snow-covered mountains, died as sacrifices to a variety of gods, and suffered the petting of sticky-handed children. Too often you’re the butt of jokes. Bad jokes. Stupid butting puns, for example.
Yet, despite the indignites you have endured, you could always hold your head high. You could be proud knowing that your kind has a tradition of exemplary service in militaries throughout the world.
That’s why this news item is so disheartening:
A British army regiment’s ceremonial pet goat was demoted in disgrace after it marched out of line before a host of dignitaries during a parade to mark Queen Elizabeth II’s birthday...
How are we suppose to restore the good name of goats when things like this happen? And now poor Billy must live with his disgrace:
Since the goat’s demotion, soldiers of a lower rank are no longer expected to salute Billy as a sign of respect...
Let this be a lesson to goats everywhere: Always be on your hooves. You can’t afford to make a mistake. Let’s hope that Billy overcomes the public humiliation — bucks up, if you will — and re-earns his former rank.

Billy, be a hero. You have a tall mountain to climb, kid, but you can do it.

Goat Word Search


Sometimes, late at night.....


A mountain goat ....

A mountain goat attempts to scale a cliff sixty feet high. Every minute, the goat bounds upward three feet but slips back two. How long does it take for the goat to reach the top?

Fifty eight minutes. Although his net progress each minute is one foot, he reaches the top on the fifty-eighth minute just before he would normally slip back two feet.

Farmers problem - Logic problem for the smarty pants


A farmer is standing on one side of the river and with him are a wolf, a goat and a box with cabbages. In the river there is a small boat.



The farmer wants to cross the river with all the three items who are with him. There are no bridges and in the boat there is only room for the farmer and one item.



But if he leaves the goat with the cabbages alone on one side of the river the goat will eat the cabbages. If he leaves the wolf and the goat on one side the wolf will eat the goat.



Only the farmer can seperate the wolf from the goat and the goat from the cabbage.



How can the farmer cross the river with all three items, without one eating the other ?

SOLUTION: First the farmer takes the goat across the river. He goes back to pick up the wolf. When he is across he leaves the wolf and takes back the goat. Back on the other side he leaves the goat and takes the cabbages with him. Then he picks up the goat and all three items are on the other side.

The Gobbling Goat Math puzzle


The Gobbling Goat

To work out the answer you might end up with an equation you can't solve: but it's fine to use a calculator to give you an approximate solution if you like.


A grassy field is in the shape of a circle of radius 100m and is enclosed by a circular fence.


A goat is attached by a rope to a hook, at a fixed point on the fence.


To stop the goat getting too fat, the farmer wants to make sure that it can only reach half of the grass in the field.


How long should the rope be?

DRIVING IN DALLAS


First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.

Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Collin County and your Mapsco is one day old, then it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules..."Hold on and pray."

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "Get on Beltline"...which has no beginning and no end. (IT REALLY DOESN'T!!!)

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth!"

If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is either a factory defect or an "outsider."

Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators, and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.

All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.

Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road... all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5. It ends in Sherman.

If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas, you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed. (And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.)

A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Ro ad is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!!

It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway. Don't let this confuse you.

The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR.

LBJ Freeway is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour and it is springtime, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on.

If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, and it is springtime, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round. If it is autumn, then the State Fair is in full swing.

If you go to the Fair, pay the $8.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park. Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2,500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag
tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.

Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers. Remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas

Goats do Roam & Goat Door

My neighbor gave me a bottle for Christmas.

I love the stuff. This is a fun little wine from South Africa.

The wine is good, and there is a lot of Pinotage in the red blend. I've developed a taste for the earth, rubber and smoke flavours you often find with Pinotage. Charles Back and the witty folks at Fairview have come up with many other creative wine titles. Back has continued to have fun with the naming of each wine – and the design of each individual ‘olde worlde’ style label, with its endless witty allusions to the world of wine and goats! Besides additions to the family of Goats do Roam, there came the Goat Roti, then a pair of Goats do Roam in Villages. Wine lovers with a sense of discernment matched only by their sense of humour may look forward to soon meeting the Bored Doe, Goat Door and the bawdy… but we’ll leave it there for the moment.
PS The story goes that there was, originally, one particular goat, identified as the ringleader of that first, adventurous group of ruminants. This ‘black sheep’ of the herd was immortalised as the so-called Goat d’Afrique… this intrepid creature’s subsequent wanderings have been consigned to distant memory, growing increasingly hazy over time…

I am going to try this one next. The white is blended from a mixture of Chenin Blanc, Clairette Blanche, and Riesling (with a touch of Viognier and Grenache Blanc to keep it interesting), this is suppose to be a great little summertime sipper. There’s no wood to be found, but lots of fruit (peaches and green grapes) along with some interesting hints of spice.

Two does were chatting




Two doe goats were chatting......

"I can't figure it out," said the first doe. "I'm in perfect physical shape but I'm constantly anxious."

"Why don't you go to a psychiatrist?" said the second.

Replied the first: "How can I?

I'm not allowed on the couch."




There was this farmer walking to his mailbox one day

There was this farmer walking to his mailbox one day, and he noticed a white hearse coming up the road, and behind the hearse was a man walking with a brown goat, and behind them followed about 20 people.

The next day, the farmer was going after his mail again, and he looked up and saw the same hearse, the same man, the same goat, and about 75 people walking behind the hearse.

The farmer's curiosity got the best of him. So he walked up to the man with the goat and asked, "I saw you yesterday about the same time as today, do you mind telling me what's happening?"

The man behind the hearse explained that his wife died, and the farmer said "Oh I'm so sorry! What happened?"

The man with the goat replied that the goat had killed her.

The farmer said, "If you buried your wife yesterday, who's in the hearse today?

The man with the goat replied, "My mother-in-law."

The farmer thought a minute and asked the man with the goat, "Can I borrow your goat?"
and he replied, "You'll have to get in line with the rest of these people."

National Pygmy Goat Association


National Pygmy Goat Association (NPGA) Breed Standard


The Pygmy Goat is genetically small, cobby and compact. It is full-barreled and well-muscled, the body circumference in relation to height and weight is proportionately greater than that of other breeds. Mature animals measure between 16 and 23 inches at the withers (shoulder blades to ground). Head and legs are short relative to body length. Genetic hornlessness is considered a disqualifying fault. However, disbudded (dehorned) or horned goats are acceptable. Preferred colors range from white through black with gray agouti being predominant. Muzzle, forehead, eyes and ears are accented in lighter tones. Front and rear hoofs and cannons (socks) are black, as are the crown and dorsal stripe. Random markings are acceptable in limited amounts and characteristics locations. Coat length and density vary with climates, making the Pygmy Goat equally at home in the desert or in the northern tundra.

Pygmy goats should reflect the following breed characteristics:
Coat - The full coat of straight, medium-long hair which varies in density with seasons and climates. On females, beards may be non-existent., sparse, or trimmed. On adult males, abundant hair growth is desirable; the beard to be full, long and flowing, the copious mane draping cape-like across the shoulders.Color - All body colors are acceptable, the predominant coloration is a grizzled (agouti) pattern produced by the intermingling of light and dark hairs, of any color. Source: NPGA's PYGMY GOAT BASIC OWNERS MANUAL

Parts of a goat


PARTS OF THE HEAD:
Poll (top of head where horns may or may not be located - 2), eyes, ears, forehead (1), bridge of nose (1), muzzle (which includes mouth, nostril and chin) and jaw (1) NECK, THROAT (the underside of the neck)


PARTS OF THE LEGS:
Moving up from the bottom: Hooves (made up of the toe, heel and sole - 4), dewclaws (those funny things above the hooves in the back of all four legs - 4), pastern (4), cannon bone (4), knee (front legs - 2), hocks (rear legs - 2)
Attachment of Rear Legs to Body:
Thighs (2), stifle (2), flank (2)
Attachment of Front Legs to Body:
Upper leg (2), Point of elbow (2), chest floor (area between front legs as viewed from the front - 1), point of shoulder (2), shoulder blade (2)


PARTS OF THE BODY:
Starting from the neck into the top of the animal: withers (1), chine (1), loin (1), hips (2), rump (1) and tail (1). The first five parts make up the animal's topline.
Sides of the body: crops (below the withers - 2), ribs, thurl (2) Front: brisket (1) Circumference measurements: heart girth (around the body behind the front legs) and barrel (around the widest part of the ribs) Underside: navel, milk vein (does only)

ESCUTCHEON: That area forming an upside-down "U" under the tail encompassing the anus, genitalia and rear udder attachment on does
EXTERNAL REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS:
Does: vulva, Bucks: scrotum and penis

UDDER PARTS: Rear udder (upper part of udder where it attaches to the body as viewed from the rear), Medial suspensory ligament (tendon bisecting the udder and providing support to the mammary system), udder floor, teats (2), Foreudder (where udder attaches to the underside of the doe)

Source: American Goat Society Judge's Training Manual

Na-a-a-a-a-a-a-

A modernized joke - feel free to substitute Avon for Arbonne or Mary Kay.

A door-to-door AVON sales woman has had a really rough day and decided to try one more house before heading home.

She knocks on the door, determined to make a sale.

A small boy opens the door, and the sales woman starts in with her sales pitch.

The boy stood there speechless, and the salesman, seeing that she wasn't getting anywhere, asked the boy where is your Stay-at-home Dad?

The boy didn't say a word and just pointed upstairs.

The sales woman goes up the stairs, opens the bedroom door and finds the boy's Dad in bed with a goat!!

Completely flabbergasted, the sales woman slams the door shut and flies down the stairs. She grabs the little boy by the shoulders and yells, "Do you know what's in bed with your Dad? Do you know what they're doing? Doesn't this bother you?"

To which the little boy responded, "Na-a-a-a-a-a-a."

(Note: you must speak the boy's response like a goat)

Goat jokes


What do you call an unemployed goat? Billy Idol

What do you call a goat at sea? Billy Ocean.

What do you call a spastic goat? Billy the kid.

What do you call a goat that lip syncs? Billy-Vanilli

Who is the oldest goat in the world??? Grandpa...

Who was the first American LaMancha Goat? Vincent Van Goat

What do you call a goat's beard? a goatee

Why can't goats eat round bales of hay? Cause they are use to 3 square meals a day..........