Momo taking an afternoon nap at first glance you assume rigormortis has set in but he is just snoozing on a lazy afternoon.
What is chevre?
View from the kitchen of Momo trying to back into the door then Katy seeing him.
There is never a dull moment with 3 year olds or goats.
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand.... and try saying things like......... "Yes, I see," and "Yes, go on," and "I understand."
The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.
The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than Slapping your knee and saying, "No shit .... what happened next??"
Goats have been taught to perform a great many wonderful exploits. The celebrated traveler, Dr. Clarke, gives a very curious account of a goat which he came across in Arabia. This goat would perform some most surprising feats of dexterity.
"We met," he says, "an Arab with a goat, which he led about the country to exhibit, in order to gain a livelihood. He had taught this animal, while he accompanied its movements with a song, to mount upon little cylindrical blocks of wood, placed successively one above another, and resembling in shape the dice belonging to a backgammon table.
In this manner the goat stood, first on the top of two; afterward of three, four, five, and six, until it remained balanced upon the summit of them all, elevated several feet above the ground, and with its fore feet collected upon a single point, without throwing down the disjointed fabric on which it stood. The diameter of the upper cylinder, on which its four feet alternately remained until the Arab had ended his ditty, was only two inches, and the length of each was six inches.
David trimming the hooves of the herd with his boss, Katy, standing by.
Arney is much more laid back about his 6 week trimming.
Some interesting facts about goats:
* Worldwide, goats provide people with more meat and milk than any other domestic animal.
* Goat meat is called Chevon or Cabrito and is a red meat that is lower in cholesterol and fat than beef, pork, lamb or chicken.
* Goat milk is more easily digested than cow’s milk.
* A goat’s tail turns up while a sheep’s tail turns down.
* Male goats are called “bucks” or “billies” and female goats are called “does” or nannies”.
* Goats are pregnant for five months and normally have two kids at a time.
* Goats can grow to be 8–12 years old.
* Goats are known as “browsers” (eating twigs, leaves and bark) but they also do well grazing grass.
* Goats weigh 5-10 pounds at birth and grow to 75-200 pounds when mature.
* 5-7 Goats can live on the amount of feed it takes to feed one cow.
* There are about one billion goats worldwide!
* The domestic goat is in the family Bovidae, genus Capra, and is of the species Hircus.
A man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air. He got out, and started walking in a meadow.
As he walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound.
So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound. The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound.
As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound.
He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole.
He listened, but there was no sound. He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up.
The man asked him, "How deep is this hole?"
The farmer said, "Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends.
Say, have you seen my prize goat?" The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, "No."
The farmer said, "Oh well. He can't get far. He was tied to a railroad beam."
No Toys for Lance, He Likes Goats-R-Us
Seriously. Okay, well, I can’t confirm this is the company he used, but I hear that Goats-R-Us is the biggest goat rental company in California. I feel like I’m writing some spoof right now, this is nuts. Nuts, and well, maybe a great idea?
I missed the bit in their EMA coverage where they talked with Lance Bass and Reichen Lehmkuhl. “Instead of having the brush cleared away at our house with lawnmowers,” said Reichen, “there’s rental goats. They tie them in your yard and they eat all the brush on the hill to stop the forest fires. When the goats are full and the brush is gone, the goats are taken away.”
Curious about how much something like that would run you? Goats-R-Us recommends estimating about $700/acre.Wait, there’s more.
Lance apparently posted something about the wonders of goats on his MySpace, which I can’t see right now because I’m not his friend, can’t remember my password to ask to be his friend, and otherwise am feeling a little lazy at the moment. TMZ then picked it up and now it’s international gossip.
In the Bible Goats are mentioned many times the following is a collection of Bible verses I have found.
Proverbs 27:23-27
23. Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds; 24. for riches do not endure forever, and a crown is not secure for all generations. 25. When the hay is removed and new growth appears and the grass from the hills is gathered in, 26. the lambs will provide you with clothing, and the goats with the price of a field. 27. You will have plenty of goats' milk to feed you and your family and to nourish your servant girls.
Job 39
1. "Do you know when the mountain goats give birth? Do you watch when the doe bears her fawn? 2. Do you count the months till they bear? Do you know the time they give birth? 3. They crouch down and bring forth their young; their labor pains are ended. 4. Their young thrive and grow strong in the wilds; they leave and do not return.
Isaiah 34:14-17
14. Desert creatures will meet with hyenas, and wild goats will bleat to each other; there the night creatures will also repose and find for themselves places of rest. 15. The owl will nest there and lay eggs, she will hatch them, and care for her young under the shadow of her wings; there also the falcons will gather, each with its mate. 16. Look in the scroll of the LORD and read: None of these will be missing, not one will lack her mate. For it is his mouth that has given the order, and his Spirit will gather them together. 17. He allots their portions; his hand distributes them by measure. They will possess it forever and dwell there from generation to generation.
Ezra 6:17
17. For the dedication of this house of God they offered a hundred bulls, two hundred rams, four hundred male lambs and, as a sin offering for all Israel, twelve male goats, one for each of the tribes of Israel.
2Chronicales 29:23-24
23. The goats for the sin offering were brought before the king and the assembly, and they laid their hands on them. 24. The priests then slaughtered the goats and presented their blood on the altar for a sin offering to atone for all Israel, because the king had ordered the burnt offering and the sin offering for all Israel.
Genesis 27:9
Go now to the flock and bring me from there two choice kids of the goats, and I will make savory food from them for your father, such as he loves."....
Designs on T-Shirts and Gifts can be found at: http://www.cafepress.com/buy/goat/bible
A mountain goat attempts to scale a cliff sixty feet high. Every minute, the goat bounds upward three feet but slips back two. How long does it take for the goat to reach the top?
Fifty eight minutes. Although his net progress each minute is one foot, he reaches the top on the fifty-eighth minute just before he would normally slip back two feet.
A farmer is standing on one side of the river and with him are a wolf, a goat and a box with cabbages. In the river there is a small boat.
The farmer wants to cross the river with all the three items who are with him. There are no bridges and in the boat there is only room for the farmer and one item.
But if he leaves the goat with the cabbages alone on one side of the river the goat will eat the cabbages. If he leaves the wolf and the goat on one side the wolf will eat the goat.
Only the farmer can seperate the wolf from the goat and the goat from the cabbage.
How can the farmer cross the river with all three items, without one eating the other ?
SOLUTION: First the farmer takes the goat across the river. He goes back to pick up the wolf. When he is across he leaves the wolf and takes back the goat. Back on the other side he leaves the goat and takes the cabbages with him. Then he picks up the goat and all three items are on the other side.
The Gobbling Goat
To work out the answer you might end up with an equation you can't solve: but it's fine to use a calculator to give you an approximate solution if you like.
A grassy field is in the shape of a circle of radius 100m and is enclosed by a circular fence.
A goat is attached by a rope to a hook, at a fixed point on the fence.
To stop the goat getting too fat, the farmer wants to make sure that it can only reach half of the grass in the field.
How long should the rope be?
First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.
Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Collin County and your Mapsco is one day old, then it is already obsolete.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules..."Hold on and pray."
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.
All directions start with, "Get on Beltline"...which has no beginning and no end. (IT REALLY DOESN'T!!!)
The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth!"
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is either a factory defect or an "outsider."
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators, and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.
All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.
Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road... all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5. It ends in Sherman.
If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas, you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed. (And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.)
A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Ro ad is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!!
It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway. Don't let this confuse you.
The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR.
LBJ Freeway is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."
If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour and it is springtime, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on.
If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, and it is springtime, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round. If it is autumn, then the State Fair is in full swing.
If you go to the Fair, pay the $8.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park. Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2,500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag
tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.
Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.
Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers. Remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas
My neighbor gave me a bottle for Christmas.
There was this farmer walking to his mailbox one day, and he noticed a white hearse coming up the road, and behind the hearse was a man walking with a brown goat, and behind them followed about 20 people.
The next day, the farmer was going after his mail again, and he looked up and saw the same hearse, the same man, the same goat, and about 75 people walking behind the hearse.
The farmer's curiosity got the best of him. So he walked up to the man with the goat and asked, "I saw you yesterday about the same time as today, do you mind telling me what's happening?"
The man behind the hearse explained that his wife died, and the farmer said "Oh I'm so sorry! What happened?"
The man with the goat replied that the goat had killed her.
The farmer said, "If you buried your wife yesterday, who's in the hearse today?
The man with the goat replied, "My mother-in-law."
The farmer thought a minute and asked the man with the goat, "Can I borrow your goat?"
and he replied, "You'll have to get in line with the rest of these people."
A modernized joke - feel free to substitute Avon for Arbonne or Mary Kay.
A door-to-door AVON sales woman has had a really rough day and decided to try one more house before heading home.
She knocks on the door, determined to make a sale.
A small boy opens the door, and the sales woman starts in with her sales pitch.
The boy stood there speechless, and the salesman, seeing that she wasn't getting anywhere, asked the boy where is your Stay-at-home Dad?
The boy didn't say a word and just pointed upstairs.
The sales woman goes up the stairs, opens the bedroom door and finds the boy's Dad in bed with a goat!!
Completely flabbergasted, the sales woman slams the door shut and flies down the stairs. She grabs the little boy by the shoulders and yells, "Do you know what's in bed with your Dad? Do you know what they're doing? Doesn't this bother you?"
To which the little boy responded, "Na-a-a-a-a-a-a."
(Note: you must speak the boy's response like a goat)