There was this farmer walking to his mailbox one day, and he noticed a white hearse coming up the road, and behind the hearse was a man walking with a brown goat, and behind them followed about 20 people.
The next day, the farmer was going after his mail again, and he looked up and saw the same hearse, the same man, the same goat, and about 75 people walking behind the hearse.
The farmer's curiosity got the best of him. So he walked up to the man with the goat and asked, "I saw you yesterday about the same time as today, do you mind telling me what's happening?"
The man behind the hearse explained that his wife died, and the farmer said "Oh I'm so sorry! What happened?"
The man with the goat replied that the goat had killed her.
The farmer said, "If you buried your wife yesterday, who's in the hearse today?
The man with the goat replied, "My mother-in-law."
The farmer thought a minute and asked the man with the goat, "Can I borrow your goat?"
and he replied, "You'll have to get in line with the rest of these people."
There was this farmer walking to his mailbox one day
National Pygmy Goat Association
The Pygmy Goat is genetically small, cobby and compact. It is full-barreled and well-muscled, the body circumference in relation to height and weight is proportionately greater than that of other breeds. Mature animals measure between 16 and 23 inches at the withers (shoulder blades to ground). Head and legs are short relative to body length. Genetic hornlessness is considered a disqualifying fault. However, disbudded (dehorned) or horned goats are acceptable. Preferred colors range from white through black with gray agouti being predominant. Muzzle, forehead, eyes and ears are accented in lighter tones. Front and rear hoofs and cannons (socks) are black, as are the crown and dorsal stripe. Random markings are acceptable in limited amounts and characteristics locations. Coat length and density vary with climates, making the Pygmy Goat equally at home in the desert or in the northern tundra.
Coat - The full coat of straight, medium-long hair which varies in density with seasons and climates. On females, beards may be non-existent., sparse, or trimmed. On adult males, abundant hair growth is desirable; the beard to be full, long and flowing, the copious mane draping cape-like across the shoulders.Color - All body colors are acceptable, the predominant coloration is a grizzled (agouti) pattern produced by the intermingling of light and dark hairs, of any color. Source: NPGA's PYGMY GOAT BASIC OWNERS MANUAL
Parts of a goat
Poll (top of head where horns may or may not be located - 2), eyes, ears, forehead (1), bridge of nose (1), muzzle (which includes mouth, nostril and chin) and jaw (1) NECK, THROAT (the underside of the neck)
PARTS OF THE LEGS:
Moving up from the bottom: Hooves (made up of the toe, heel and sole - 4), dewclaws (those funny things above the hooves in the back of all four legs - 4), pastern (4), cannon bone (4), knee (front legs - 2), hocks (rear legs - 2)
Attachment of Rear Legs to Body:
Thighs (2), stifle (2), flank (2)
Attachment of Front Legs to Body:
Upper leg (2), Point of elbow (2), chest floor (area between front legs as viewed from the front - 1), point of shoulder (2), shoulder blade (2)
PARTS OF THE BODY:
Starting from the neck into the top of the animal: withers (1), chine (1), loin (1), hips (2), rump (1) and tail (1). The first five parts make up the animal's topline.
Sides of the body: crops (below the withers - 2), ribs, thurl (2) Front: brisket (1) Circumference measurements: heart girth (around the body behind the front legs) and barrel (around the widest part of the ribs) Underside: navel, milk vein (does only)
EXTERNAL REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS:
Does: vulva, Bucks: scrotum and penis
Na-a-a-a-a-a-a-
A modernized joke - feel free to substitute Avon for Arbonne or Mary Kay.
A door-to-door AVON sales woman has had a really rough day and decided to try one more house before heading home.
She knocks on the door, determined to make a sale.
A small boy opens the door, and the sales woman starts in with her sales pitch.
The boy stood there speechless, and the salesman, seeing that she wasn't getting anywhere, asked the boy where is your Stay-at-home Dad?
The boy didn't say a word and just pointed upstairs.
The sales woman goes up the stairs, opens the bedroom door and finds the boy's Dad in bed with a goat!!
Completely flabbergasted, the sales woman slams the door shut and flies down the stairs. She grabs the little boy by the shoulders and yells, "Do you know what's in bed with your Dad? Do you know what they're doing? Doesn't this bother you?"
To which the little boy responded, "Na-a-a-a-a-a-a."
(Note: you must speak the boy's response like a goat)
Goat jokes
What do you call a goat at sea? Billy Ocean.
What do you call a spastic goat? Billy the kid.
What do you call a goat that lip syncs? Billy-Vanilli
Who is the oldest goat in the world??? Grandpa...
Who was the first American LaMancha Goat? Vincent Van Goat
What do you call a goat's beard? a goatee
Why can't goats eat round bales of hay? Cause they are use to 3 square meals a day..........
In Budapest, a man goes to the rabbi and complains
In Budapest, a man goes to the rabbi and complains, "Life is unbearable. There are nine of us living in one room. What can I do?"The rabbi answers, "Take your goat into the room with you." The man in incredulous, but the rabbi insists. "Do as I say and come back in a week."
A week later the man comes back looking more distraught than before. "We cannot stand it," he tells the rabbi. "The goat is filthy." The rabbi then tells him, "Go home and let the goat out. And come back in a week."
A radiant man returns to the rabbi a week later, exclaiming, "Life is beautiful. We enjoy every minute of it now that there's no goat -- only the nine of us."
Andy Oliver
GOATS GONE GQ!!
The goats are sporting new turtleneck scarves handmade by Gwen, the stitch witch.
Arney's in in a beautiful holiday red that brings out his native Nigerian Dwarf hues.
It covers his neck so that he will stay warm this winter. Isn't it beautiful?
While Momo is sporting a multicolor blend that highlights his African Pygmy coloring.
Both items were made exclusively for the Meyer Herd by Gwen, the stitch witch.
