The goat and the fortune teller
In a dark and gloomy room, the fortune teller was startled by what she saw in her crystal ball. She looked up at her customer, sitting across the table.
"There's no easy way to say this, soI'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic'slined face, then at thesingle flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.
She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:"Will I get away with it?"
Capricorn
Do you know why the goat in the constellation Capricorn has the tail of a fish?
Pan, the god of the forest, resembled a goat, was very skilled at playing the reed pipes. Pan spent his days singing, dancing, and living a cheerful existence.
Once the gods were feasting on the banks of the river Nile in the land of Egypt. Pan, who loved everything lively, set out joyfully playing his reed pipes merrily and loudly when suddenly in burst the monster Teuphon bellowed "What is that terrible noise?"
Startled, Pan tried to quickly change himself into a fish to get away. In his haste, his body turned into a fish but his head remained that of a goat. The gods laughed uproariously, and added his form to the constellations in the sky to commemorate the event.
The new priest is nervous
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand.... and try saying things like......... "Yes, I see," and "Yes, go on," and "I understand."
The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.
The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than Slapping your knee and saying, "No shit .... what happened next??"
Goat story by Dr. Clarke
Goats have been taught to perform a great many wonderful exploits. The celebrated traveler, Dr. Clarke, gives a very curious account of a goat which he came across in Arabia. This goat would perform some most surprising feats of dexterity.
"We met," he says, "an Arab with a goat, which he led about the country to exhibit, in order to gain a livelihood. He had taught this animal, while he accompanied its movements with a song, to mount upon little cylindrical blocks of wood, placed successively one above another, and resembling in shape the dice belonging to a backgammon table.
In this manner the goat stood, first on the top of two; afterward of three, four, five, and six, until it remained balanced upon the summit of them all, elevated several feet above the ground, and with its fore feet collected upon a single point, without throwing down the disjointed fabric on which it stood. The diameter of the upper cylinder, on which its four feet alternately remained until the Arab had ended his ditty, was only two inches, and the length of each was six inches.
The most curious part of the performance took place afterward; for the Arab, to convince us of the animal's attention to the turn of the air, sometimes interrupted the ordinary da capo, or repeat, and as often as he did so, the goat tottered, and appeared uneasy. When the man suddenly stopped, in the middle of his song, the animal fell to the ground."
Aesop's The vine and the goat
A VINE was luxuriant in the time of vintage with leaves and grapes.
A Goat, passing by, nibbled its young tendrils and its leaves.
The Vine addressed him and said: "Why do you thus injure me without a cause, and crop my leaves?
Is there no young grass left?
But I shall not have to wait long for my just revenge; for if you now should crop my leaves, and cut me down to my root, I shall provide the wine to pour over you when you are led as a victim to the sacrifice."
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